International Men’s Day: “Thank you to my ex”
In honour of International Men’s Day, our Founder Aruna, writes about her experience of co-parenting with her ex:
Thank you to my ex.
This is not the start of a Little Mix song! Rather a thank you on IMD2024 to thank him for being a great father to our daughter. Despite what we went through, there is no denying he is a great dad.
I am proud to say we have managed to co-parent 97% amicably and successfully for the last 20 years (we split when my daughter was 2). It wasn’t easy at first, as we had a difficult divorce, and it took time for us to be civil to each other again.
Initially after our divorce, I didn’t want them seeing each other, but I soon realised this wouldn’t be good for anyone. Also, it was difficult doing everything myself, and why shouldn’t he have some responsibility too? Most importantly, she needed to have a bond with her dad.
From the age of around 5, on the days when he had her, he started taking her out to play different racket sports, such as badminton or squash. That was their thing they’d do together.
She started playing in tournaments locally and nationally. We’d drive around the country altogether, (even though we weren’t together). They would be on the courts, and I’d be out walking.
Often people thought we were still together as we’d turn up at various things together, Parent’s evenings, her birthdays, and other important days, and more recently her Graduation, but we weren’t. We were able to put our differences aside for that short period of time.
Aruna’s daughter, Karishma, says: “Having a relationship with my dad gave me another important role model in my life and a person to seek advice from in challenging times. It also expanded my wider sense of belonging and family, giving me cousins and other relatives who I have good relationships with. From encouraging me through squash, my dad gave me confidence and increased my self-esteem, and as a result I also met more people. It was also a source of encouragement for me to set goals and strive for success both academically and in sport.”
Today, I’m really pleased to say that they share an amazing bond and am sure she wouldn’t be the person she is today without her dad being in her life.
I would really urge both mums and dads, if you are able to co-parent amicably, it’s the best gift you can give your child.
