Aman's Story
I am a happily divorced mother of two beautiful daughters who are my pillars of strength and the reason behind my why.
I stayed in an abusive relationship for 13 years because I believed he would change! I believed he would love me as I loved him. I even left my family for him! I didn’t want to leave because I didn’t want to hear “I told you so” from family that didn’t want me to marry him in the first place.
Now looking back yes, they were 100% right. Our loved ones can sometimes see things we can’t and ultimately they only want the best for us.
He was a narcissist, abusive in all forms, making him a perpetuator of domestic abuse and coercive control.
It took 4 attempts to finally get away from this toxic man. I suffered mentally, physically, financially, and psychologically from all the trauma he put me through and have the physical scars to show. These scars are now the signs of strength and courage that I am a Kaur and I am a survivor.
It was a tough decision; do I stay and allow my girls to believe this is OK or do I get out and allow my girls to be free and grow up in a western society allowing them to be authentic and understand we are all worthy and most of all for me to be free because I deserve better, and I am worthy.
When I finally left in March 2013, I moved 6 times in a period of 3 years until I was divorced and brought my own home. Me and my eldest have severely struggled mentally, She has seen the abuse since the age of 2 and is currently having counselling to help her release and move on in her life.
Having contact with the father caused detrimental impact on the children, with the eldest attempting to end her life in 2019. This was due to it getting too much, it had been going on for years even after we left. Domestic abuse only gets worse once the survivor leaves! I lost my relationship with my daughter for 2 years due to the toxicity and manipulation caused by the father. We are now slowly rebuilding that relationship. Any healing journey is not linear and does have many ups and downs, but I have learnt we do have to be resilient in these cases.
At this point, I knew further changes needed to be made, so I had further healing of breaking trauma bonds, and generational healing. I am now blessed to be healed from the trauma. Anyone reading this, please go and get help if you need it, it is the best investment you can make for yourself, heal, release, and cut the trauma bonds that come with divorce and domestic abuse.
From my experience, I decided to train to help others- I am now a qualified Hypnotherapist and trainee psychotherapeutic counsellor, helping others who have been through a similar journey. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel, after 20 years I am completely free, involving 7 years of court cases, for divorce, restraining orders, harassment cases and custody battles.
I joined ASP following my Instagram live about life after divorce, the holistic way with Jas Bamrah from “Jasbamrah Hypnotherapy”. I am here to connect with like-minded ASPs and most of all share my story.
To any ASP, my advice is please reach out, help is available, there is no shame having therapy, it is good to talk, release yourself from the trauma of divorce. You have one life, you are worthy and deserve the best.
Many Thanks
Aman