Mala's Story
I don’t think anyone dreams of becoming a single parent, we dream of a perfect life with your soulmate and raising amazing children with them. I had everything that other people dreamed of. The big 4 bedroom house in Surrey, the flashy cars, trips abroad 4 times a year. We were living the life, so it may seem. However it wasn’t enough, I just wasn’t happy. My relationship was not what it seemed, I was doing it all, working part-time, looking after my 2 babies, I felt powerless, stuck, not good enough and my self-esteem had plummeted, my health was suffering, in essence, I was exhausted. I couldn’t see a way out until I couldn’t take it anymore, I decided I’d had enough and the single parent journey begins.
Coming out with the truth
Leaving was the only decision I felt I had. It was scary, the security, the fear of the unknown, my boys were only 4.5 and 2.5 years old. Where do I go? What do I do? Who do I tell? The shame, the guilt. I was making myself ill. I dreaded telling my parents who lived in India. So many questions and I had no answers. One day I was in a park with my boys, I looked and felt miserable. My SIL said out the blue, “I know you’re not happy, you don’t need to live this way you know”. Suddenly the tears flowed and I broke down. I said “how do you know?” She said, “We’ve known for a while, it’s obvious”. I ended up staying a couple of nights and pouring out my heart and soul. I went home and started to organise my exit plan. It took 6 months, counseling, and countless trips to the Royal Marsden for diagnostics thinking the worst and planning to leave, telling the in-laws and my husband. I just knew that year 2008 was the last Christmas I was going to have with all of them. After Christmas, I plucked up the courage and went to tell them with my A4 clipboard and notes, so I didn’t miss a single thing. They were shocked and said things that I’m embarrassed to repeat. My husband has a lot of issues that they didn’t know about so I can understand their disbelief.
July 4th
Living with someone for 6 months knowing that I’m leaving was the hardest part of this all. We were civil, he buried his head in the sand. I was relieved there were no more arguments. I had organised a flat for us to live in, the nursery for my youngest and a primary school for my eldest. I can’t til this day believe how easy everything fell into place. It’s like the universe had my back. All the worries and anxiety felt like they had melted away. I was finally leaving the misery behind and living a new life. Still scared, still anxious but I was somehow ok with it all. The day came to pack up and move. Independence day I called it, well it was July the 4th after all. My husband wanted to help so I let him, and we finally moved to our new flat to start our new life.
Today, 12 years on
It felt weird at first, knew everything and happy again. Took time to build myself up again. I got into personal development as I wanted answers and so grateful I did. We stayed in West London for 4.5 half years and made some wonderful friends. I joined some social groups and came across Aruna and ASP (Asian Single Parents Network). I was amazed to see so many women in my shoes and I wasn’t alone. I quickly joined and went to quite a few events. It was amazing not only for me but also for my boys. Grateful to have found them. Their dad and I kept in touch and agreed we wanted what’s best for them and made their visits consistent. I did meet someone and we dated for 3 years, it was the best experience. We moved to South London and we are still here. I got a job at a school doing science and now that they’re teenagers, I moved into science management, a job I absolutely love. I also trained to be a breakthrough freedom coach and I help people all over the world with shifting their negative limiting beliefs, emotions, and fears, I love it. My biggest lesson in all this that I realised I needed to take responsibility for my own happiness and have fun with life and I do just that.