“Today I’m so proud to have come a long way to a place where I help others with issues in their wellbeing. I help others navigate the areas in their lives where they feel stuck and blocked by working with their subconscious mind. I’m grateful for my journey and past experience for it allows me to help so many others, and has given meaning to my life.”
Since this recording, Jaspreet has given up her teaching job and is now self-employed concentrating on her passion RTT full-time.
“Shreen shares an amazing bond with both of us and is full of life, happy, kind, caring and a confident child… Literally a few months ago, her mother came to tell me by looking in to my eyes that as a mother and if she was fit, she would not be able to raise her the way I have raised her. This means the world to me.”
‘As a hardcore spiritualist, I loved to jump into situations and try my luck. The only issue I see at hindsight? I tried my luck more than my hard work, until life decided to be a teacher…
I am a happily divorced mother of two beautiful daughters who are my pillars of strength and the reason behind my why.
I stayed in an abusive relationship for 13 years because I believed he would change! I believed he would love me as I loved him. I event left my family for him!
Many mothers end up being single parents through the conventional route of divorce or separation. But there are also women who choose to have children using IVF or surrogacy. For those experiencing difficulties conceiving, this can provide much needed hope.
The following is a story of an Asian mother and ASP member who decided to take advantage of this option. Despite the unconventional route, she is still a single parent with all the difficulties and challenges that entails.
I’m Panisha, newly single mum of a 3 year old. Been part of ASP for 6 months now. ASP has been part of my Wellbeing Toolkit, to be able to connect with others who understant my position and to feel a part of something is so heartwarming. My passion are Wellbeing, Writing and embracing life no matter what it throws!
It has been great to connect at a time where we feel so disconnected (divorce and pandemic).
Father’s Day has always been a significant event for me since the birth of my only daughter, my Princess – Kiara, from the moment she was born, more than any other occasion in the year. I absolutely adore and love her to bits and have been a very hands on dad since birth. I was present at the birth (a natural birth) and saw her first before cutting the umbilical chord and passing her to her mum. That moment has to be the best moment of my life, and I am sure any dad who has been there would say there is nothing that can top this.
My journey began in 2010, over 10 years ago when I realised my marriage wasn’t what I thought it was. Fast forward 2 years, after trying to make it work, it dawned on me that I needed to get out! I am not going to divulge the ins and outs of why, but the marriage was over for a number of reasons.
Being from the Asian community this was always going to be tough but I never actually realised how difficult it was going to be until I started to put the wheels in motion.
I am a divorced single mum and I was physically and mentally abused by my ex after five days of marriage. I stayed in this abusive relationship for a further seventeen years because of the stigma in the Asian culture. I felt trapped and couldn’t get out, my ex was an alcoholic and kept making me feel like I was a failure.
I don’t think anyone dreams of becoming a single parent, we dream of a perfect life with your soulmate and raising amazing children with them. I had everything that other people dreamed of. The big 4 bedroom house in Surrey, the flashy cars, trips abroad 4 times a year. We were living the life, so it may seem. However it wasn’t enough, I just wasn’t happy. My relationship was not what it seemed, I was doing it all, working part-time, looking after my 2 babies, I felt powerless, stuck, not good enough and my self-esteem had plummeted, my health was suffering, in essence, I was exhausted. I couldn’t see a way out until I couldn’t take it anymore, I decided I’d had enough and the single parent journey begins.
The ‘For Sale’ sign had only just gone up and the family down the street were in there like a flash, wanting to have a look around. They had outgrown their more modest dwelling and needed the upgrade to our slightly larger one. At just 7, he was entirely competent doing the tour, pointing out rooms, giving a little detail, here or there, including, at one point, that his parents were getting divorced, which, he explained, was why the house was being sold. The import of those words falling amidst the awkward silence of the adults in the room…, that will stay with me forever.
In the vast majority of divorce cases, the status of primary parent is automatically awarded to the mother. For some women, children become tools by which to batter their ex-husbands into submission. In addition, by having control of the day-to-day lives of the children, she is ideally positioned to coach and influence them in their thinking. Parents who are not allowed to engage with their children, suffer from a phenomenon known as ‘Parental Alienation’ and is more evident amongst single fathers. Co-parenting is great in principle, but its success is wholly dependent on equal cooperation and understanding by both parties. Where this is not forthcoming, fathers can feel alienated and struggle to come to terms with their loss. The mother on the other hand has the children to focus on. The daily school run, the after-school clubs, arranging activities etc. Indeed, the kids can provide a much-needed purpose to her life. I am not saying that the life of a single mother is in any way easy, far from it, it is stressful and difficult. But, for the father, it is a lonely, isolated, and depressing existence. I went from a full-time father to a part-time nobody.
Despite court orders, it is still up to the mother to facilitate and encourage contact with the father. If that willingness does not exist, the father is left pleading to see his own children. Taking matters to court is an option, but it is a lengthy process and takes its toll on everyone concerned, including the children. Some single fathers end up suffering huge stress and anxiety, making their work and personal life unbearable. Is it any wonder that many decide to move away, start a new life to escape the frustration, and thereby risk being labelled ‘absent father’. I decided to stay, to see my boys whenever I could no matter how long the interval, to speak to them whenever the phone was answered and to keep my love for them alive. Eight years down the road, my boys are now young adults, making their own decisions about their futures and choosing to include me in their lives. My perseverance seems to have paid off, but I cannot help feeling that this journey did not need to have been so painful.
To those fathers in similar positions, my advice is to stay strong, do whatever is necessary to maintain contact (no matter how brief) and to look after your health. Remember, you are the only father your children have.
