Sonia's Story

Being from the Asian community this was always going to be tough but I never actually realised how difficult it was going to be until I started to put the wheels in motion.

To give a bit of background, I had already given up my career to try and meet his expectations and make my marriage work, so I worked part time for my parents and had 2 young children. My ex worked for my parents too and had done for several years.

When I told my family I wanted out from my marriage there was absolute uproar and no support whatsoever for me. My mum and dad couldn’t see the truth.  They were on his side…they were absolutely blinded as all they could see was that we had to stay together for the sake of our children!  He had manipulated them completely and my mental heath was irrelevant. My marriage was broken  completely. I had no emotional support and no where to turn too…worked for my family…they just could not understand why I wanted to be free…I felt trapped in prison and could see no way out.

To cut a really long story relatively short, I decided I needed to start over again by building my life back up so I was able to free myself.
I left working for my family, against their wishes and re started my career  working part time only, as I still had to fulfil all my wife  and mum duties…and  as far as he and my family were concerned that was my job, and as he worked for them there was no movement on that!

Slowly as the boys got older I increased my working hours and got my career back on track by 2016.

Fast forward to 2017 there was still very little  emotional support from my family with regards to divorcing…but at least I had some kind of life. I loved my job…the boys were doing well..but I was deeply unhappy.  Many of you may ask well why didnt you just leave? ?

And the simple answer was that I  love my family  and  I was desperate for their approval “its ok Sonia…We understand your pain and why you want a divorce”, but all they saw that he was golden boy and I was the difficult one and I basically needed to put up and shut up, no matter what was going on behind closed doors!

For over 7 years I tried to make my family see the truth but they were wearing rose tinted glasses!  I  was at constant war with them, we would go over and he was treated like a king…so as the saying goes, give someone an inch, and they will take a mile is exactly what happened! He knew they were not supportive of me wanting to divorce, so he took full advantage and manipulated them against me even more…it wasn’t until late 2017 they fell out with him over business,  they saw what I had been going on about for years!

Finally I thought  I can be free…but no!!

Here came battle number 2! Divorce proceedings! Money!!!!  I just wanted out, but he didn’t make it easy and decided to drag my whole family through court including my sister and my elderly parents.

2018 divorce proceedings began, still with both of us living under the same roof. However, I now had the support of my family without them I wouldn’t not be able to tell my tale.

My family  now supported me no end…yes we had our moments…lots of tears…arguments…breakdowns…but finally they could see the need to be free and I don’t have the words or the ability to express my gratitude to them for all they have done.

3 years later
5 court dates
2 three day trials I am finally free….I never thought this day would come!

The hardest  part of my journey  was living under the same roof for over 10 years…I am not going to go into all the details, but it was not a pleasant atmosphere is an understatement….

Just imagine going to court…fighting my corner then coming back to the same house.

I have been tried and tested in ways I thought were unimaginable…the emotional impact that this has had on me  and my boys is unreal…I am extremely blessed to have level headed boys who have  kept me going.
There never has or ever will be a custody battle… no matter what has happened between me and my ex, he is still their dad and how their relationship grows and develops is down to him and them…

My friends, my family,  my work family have listened to me for years, day in day out…the tears… the tantrums…the lows and now the highs…they have been on this journey with me too and I cannot thank them enough for their support… below is just one of my messages from my girls …I love this…I read this again and again…she pretty much sums it all up in one!

I’m so proud of you!!!! You’ve endured things that no woman or mother should have had to go through and you did it consistently with poise and grace and dignity. I always told you that good will prevail evil and yesterday’s ruling proved that. You’re still not over the hard times – and I have to tell you that honestly because I love you. But what you have proved is that whatever life throws at you, you’re tough enough and worthy enough to take it in your stride and come out fighting like the badass bitch you are!! Congratulations Ms Gupta!! You’re my soldier princess – now go straighten your crown and hold your head up high!!! Love you always.

So just as she said here I go!