Members sometimes reach out to the Network with queries on various topics. They can receive a combination of responses as other members offer their suggestions and so does ASPN which may include general advice or links to resources.

Our recent member query revolves around a section 7 order:

“I am away from my 9 years old daughter, whom I miss terribly and am allowed to talk only on video calls every Sunday,  who clearly misses me equally and is apparent in every phone call.

I have successfully contested the false NMO which was alleged against me last year, in January this year.

Soon after section 7 report was ordered by court which have come through yesterday. The report have completely devastated me as statement from my 9 years old daughter given to her teacher and then last month to CAFCASS officer. I gather CAFCASS report has most of the weight in court order and thus I am worried about what they have written.

My question is, would it be possible to contest the report and if yes, when can I do that, as my DRA hearing is on 18th of June.

I believe my daughter has been scared or coercively controlled into giving those false statements. She is away from me since last 9 months now and I understand her mother being primary carer, my daughter is left with now choice as well she is scared of mother all the time.

Any help in terms of information, I would appreciate it.”

Disclaimer: Please note that this is not legal advice, but responses are based on the experiences of some of our members.

Member Responses & A Divorce Consultant Contact:

Member 1

Hi. I am so sorry to hear this. Has the Cafcass officer made any recommendations? Has the Cafcass officer been told about the coercion and pressure you believe your daughter is being subjected to? Have a look at the recommendations clearly and write down why you disagree citing factual arguments. Have statements been directed? If so you can mention your reasons why the recommendations should not be followed. The judge needs good reasons to go against the recommendation so it is important you prepare your arguments concentrating on the relationship you have had, you have now and how upset your daughter is on the phone with how you say she is scared, any changes to support. Say that you will go at your daughters pace but contact is beneficial than not. Mention how you believe she is scared, with changes you have noted in her well being. I wish you all the best.

From a Divorce Consultant contact (former solicitor)

The member can challenge the S7 report within his position statement and in his hearing. He should set out examples of things his daughter has said to him to indicate she is scared of her mother. The judge is heavily guided by the recommendation of CAFCASS so he will need to be robust in his statement.

He needs to be careful to challenge the report without criticising the experts as sometimes the professionals close ranks and don’t like to be criticised.

Member 2

You can always contest the recommendations made in a S7 report.

This would mean that the author of the report is cross-examined by yourself or your legal representative in court.

You could probe for why your daughter may have said such things However, I’d urge you to consider what your daughter has said and consider what actions you could suggest you will take to mend the situation too – as the author of a S7 is very rarely going to do a 180 and change their mind in court.

Member 3

This is a recognised tactic used by narcissists and parents with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The narcissists are very predictable in their actions and behaviours and hence it is important to recognise this at the soonest and the earliest and protect yourself from the wrath of their anger and rather succumbing to their whims and fancies, which have strong tendencies for abuse in whichever way they can.

The most important is that it is “your reaction to this abuse is the oxygen which they thrive on”.

There fore DO NOT OFFER YOURSELF as fodder and your reaction as oxygen to this fire.

They thrive on this constant oxygen.

It is important to remove yourself from this abuse ASAP and remain disenagaged as narcissists use Legal Abuse very cleverly with manipulation of instruments and tools to create more torture.

——

Coming to my story I recognised this pattern of NPD very early in my breakdown of relationship. It was painful but I invested in learning and educating myself to learn what was the nature of the beast (read enemy) I was dealing with and not to get consumed in this long battle of patience, wit, resolute, resilience and pain. I got a Divorce Coach (Sushma), read books on Narcisism and how to divorce a narcissist (Supriya), I got a specialist lawyer dealing with NPD (Karen), I heard podcasts, read books, read blogs and wrote on notice boards.

I have not seen my children for 2 yrs as my ex wife was using children as bait to create more trauma and abuse. I refused to engage, I did not attend the court , I protected myself but you have to accept pain at the end of it – The pain of being away from your children or the pain of being a slave with shackles in your feet and hands.

My image was tarnished in front of my kids, CAFCASS, social services, legal teams, court. You just simply have to disengage with a narcissist as you cannot win. Letting them go is your ONLY WIN.

It is hard but you will just have to slowly carve your way out of this.

Good luck. It will pass soon. Trust yourself .

Member 4

All parents get a copy of CAFCASS report before hearing so he should know what is written and based on it he should speak to Barrister. Be open and honest to Barrister to get needed help.