Members sometimes reach out to the Network with queries on various topics. They can receive a combination of responses as other members offer their suggestions and so does ASPN which may include general advice or links to resources.

One of our members put forward a query about parenting:

“I have been a single parent for about 4 years and I have 2 daughters. My 12 year old is so difficult, constantly shouting and fighting and extremely needy to the point it’s so difficult in the house due to her moods and constant emotions. It’s having a massive negative impact in the house, already trying to juggle work and make sure the kids are nurtured. I try my best to keep her happy but it’s never enough. I know at this age there are hormones etc but her relationship with me is very strained no matter how much I try and improve things. There’s no co-parenting with the other parent and they only see the children every other weekend & holidays. If anyone has any tips or ideas I would be grateful. Thanks.”

Disclaimer: Please note that this is not legal advice, but responses are based on the experiences of some of our members.

Member 1:

I always find spending time one to one helps. Like go for lunch or bowling something fun and give her time to speak to you about her feelings. Also ask her to journal or keep a dairy. I got my kids a wellbeing diary which they loved using to express themselves. Colouring in is a very therapeutic mindfulness fun activity you can do this together helps both of you to feel relaxed and bond. Hope this helps. x

Member 2:

I had a difficult time with my daughter. She found a reason to get upset at anything I said. I realised that she was also feeling hurt with her dad going out with someone who has a daughter 2 years older than her. I starting making smoothies in the morning for her to take and do little things like buy her favourite chocolate and put it in her room before she came home from school. Got her to try makeup on me etc. Somehow the dynamics changed and she was opening up to me. So I think the nurturing approach even though it feels like the child is shoving you away, makes a difference.

Member 3:

When my daughter was going through that difficult phase I made sure to spend one-on-one time with her. I took her (just me and her) to Costa coffee and had coffee and cake. She was moody and didn’t talk, but later said she really appreciated that I was talking calmly and asking about what she is feeling.

I think also inviting one or two friends for a sleepover might be good.

Member 4:

Discuss the issue with school… they will help and guide.

Member 5:

Unfortunately, this is the story of the collateral damage that emanates from a breakdown of a family and long gone friction prior to the divorce is signed off.

The impact of children is the most and has hidden psychological effects.

A breakdown of relationship between the parents does lead to resentment and deep trauma amongst the young children which can get exposed during late adolescence and even mid adulthood. This accounts as a living bereavement of one parent for the child and a lashback at the other.

I would suggest early intervention with early counselling for the child and the parent and if possible both the parents. Best wishes

Please read on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and its aftermath in later life as an adult.

I know some specialist councillors in India who can give remote counselling to kids.

If you want I can share their WhatsApp number.

Member 6:

If 12 years old is elder one, I can just say sometimes we expect them to be more mature, more accommodating, more responsible tagging as they are older. It is natural and there is nothing wrong about it but how the child will perceive it, would matter. A child, especially daughter needs a lot of love, affection, care, understanding and this is one of the critical phases when a mother and daughter bond can be built for life. Mother should not try to do best, mother should try to do what is realistically possible but with lots of love, confidence and happiness inside her (at least try) and that way she can heal herself and her children in the right way. I have an almost 12 year old very close to me but I do face a small issue or strong opinion and that time I feel it’s good to respond back or have a strong opinion in young girls. Only thing I ask my daughter to be respectful but by saying that I should be respectful to her too. We should treat them as young adults, take their opinions wherever matters, appreciate them but still love them like a baby. Hope it can help a bit . 🙂

Member 7

I don’t have advice. Just compassion. My daughter is 12 too and I can empathise.

There is so much going on in their lives at the moment.

Relationships at school. My daughter has just gone into year 7, and there are huge adjustments, with school work, friends, juggling hormones.

Please send her a hug. If she wants to chat. Happy to hold space for her. Just don’t have any advice. Taking each day as it comes. Dealing with every mood and conversation as it’s shared.

Also not taking it too personally. Having my own boundaries for my own sanity too-that helps!!!

Member 8

Mine is 14 and I don’t co parent.  I think you need to treat the 12 year old as a mini adult, talk to them. Spend some one on one time with them.  You need to give trust by being a friend in a way but also reminding them of the boundaries as you are still their parent.  Even though I have a good relationship with my daughter she often steps the line and I have to remind her.

And just to add I do work full time and I do have help with cooking.  If I didn’t have help with cooking I will not spend hours cooking the traditional meal.  I make sure there is daughter time and my time even if it sitting in the sofa watching a program with my daughter.  Sometime mine will sit and chat with me while I cook when I cook.  Dinner time is always around a table no devices and no tv.  That is a rule from my own daughter.  That all counts to her as time with her

Often we tend to work clean and cook and there is no time for the children esp as the get older and the needs change.  You can’t ditch the work as you need that but leaning cooking and spending hours in that is a no no for me.  Obviously I want a clean house and food in the table and I do try and maintain that but I have to leave some time for my daughter and it is not necessary going out and spend money.  Even a walk to chat and maybe once a month we will go out.

Member 9

Does she have a counsellor ?

Talk to school and seek help through Early Help

Is the behaviour happening after contact with other parent?

Member 10

I’m also interested in any feedbacks on this one, as I too am having similar issues, although mine is less shouting and more silent moody.

Member 11

Mine are too young but one thing I’d suggest is therapy – it can be so helpful to attend individually or jointly 🙂

Member 12

Family therapy with a kids counsellor will help.

Member 13

Hi Aruna, my daughter is 10 years old and she throw tantrums on and off… I got a tip from her school to spend time with her – games, walk or movie etc… Also, I set time out when I end up in an argument with her. I pour out sometimes but I decided to calm as they are kids and they try to reflect our suffer through screaming and shouting. See if this helps.

Member 14

Hi there,
I really feel for you—being a single parent is such a full-on experience, and it’s clear how much love, energy, and care you’re putting into raising your daughters. Juggling everything on your own is exhausting, especially when one child is going through such an emotionally intense stage. You’re absolutely not alone.

I just want to say first: there’s no doubt that you’re already doing many of the things I’m going to mention. Sometimes even hearing familiar things with a reminder that we’re doing enough can help. I’m also sharing a few resources that might be useful, either for yourself or others in similar situations.

I completely understand where you’re coming from. My own children are now past the teenage years, but I was married up until my daughter was 13—and I remember clearly how turbulent and emotional that stage can be, even in a two-parent home. The transition into adolescence can really shake everything up. I deeply empathise with the strain it puts on the parent-child bond, especially when you’re doing it all on your own.

Here are a few things that helped me and some that might be worth exploring:

A Few Practical Strategies
– Emotional Safety: Create quiet, low-pressure moments to connect—whether that’s side-by-side in the car or over a shared snack. It can open space for conversations that don’t feel confrontational.
– Boundaries with Love: Teens and preteens need boundaries, even if they fight them. Clear, calm limits set with consistency and love can give a feeling of security (even if they roll their eyes!).
– Praise What You Can: Acknowledge small wins or calm moments—it helps build their self-esteem and reinforces positive behaviour.
– Look After Yourself: Even if it’s five minutes with some mindfulness and your phone off, or a walk around the block—find ways to breathe. It’s essential, not indulgent.

Helpful Resources & Support
– Gingerbread – Support for Single Parents – Offers practical advice, online forums, and support groups designed especially for single parents.
– Action for Children – Parenting Support – Guidance on handling difficult behaviour and emotional needs.
– YoungMinds – Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health – Excellent resources for understanding teenage moods, mental health, and how to support your child through tough times.
– Family Lives – A helpline and site full of parenting advice, especially for those going through relationship challenges with their children.
– SingleParents.org.uk – A fantastic hub for advice on everything from parenting and relationships to money and housing.
– Relate – Though known for couples counselling, they also have brilliant resources on parenting teens and improving family communication.

You’re doing more than enough, and just reaching out like this shows how much you care. It’s so hard when you feel like nothing is working, but your presence, love, and efforts do matter deeply, even if they don’t show it right now. Please keep looking after yourself too—your wellbeing is just as important as theirs.

Wishing you all the best.

PS It does get better, my daughter turned 18 last week, and our relationship is the strongest it’s been. So things, do eventually get better.

Member 15

Is there a children’s centre run by the Council? – Sometimes they offer free family/parenting classes (to help parents navigate the tricky stages).  It’s really hard, especially when you’re the main carer and have to do all the day to day discipline and routine and the other parent has more of the fun stuff…

The member who asked about parenting has since made some positive changes and told us there has been progress in their relationship. We’re happy they found the responses from the group extremely helpful. See their feedback below: